#BeKind

What Really Matters?
What Really Matters? 1024 512 Jason Lauritsen

Last week, our community experienced something that you hope no community anywhere ever must. A car crash took the lives of four high school girls and left a fifth in the hospital in serious condition and a lifetime of healing ahead of her.

The community is reeling, trying to make sense of this tragedy. A mother of one of the girls who died is a friend of ours. In the past week, we’ve been to a celebration of life ceremony for the four girls and a funeral for our friend’s daughter.

It’s heavy stuff. We have been trying to make sense of how best to help and be supportive of our friend, her family, and the community. It’s hard to know. But we keep trying.

It has been a painful reminder of how fragile life is and how suddenly it can be taken from us. Anytime a senseless tragedy like this happens, it always prompts me to reflect on an important question.

What Really Matters?

We get so distracted by the minutiae of our lives. The small annoyances can occupy such large chunks of our attention. And, we allow our time to be washed away by our daily routines.

As we stood at the celebration of life ceremony, watching a video that had been created of photos and videos of the girls together and with their families, this question seemed extra poignant.

The answer for me this week was time with my family. Time with the people who I love most on the planet. That’s what matters.

So, my schedule changed. For the first time in so long I can’t remember, our entire family (including the 22-year-old) made time to go to the zoo together. And then on a separate day, we all went to see a movie together. Another morning, the younger kids and I went out for a hike together.

In the wake of this tragedy in our small community, I found a reminder to do what matters most. And while my heart still aches for our friend and my community, my heart is also full from being with my people.

What Really Matters?

This is such a powerful question. When you really sit with it for a while, it’s hard to escape the truth that we spend so much of our time on things that don’t matter so much–in life and at work.

It’s a question that prompts focus. It’s a question that cuts through the distractions.

It shouldn’t be asked only in times of tragedy or crisis. It can be equally powerful when you are trying to chart the path forward with your team at work. It is also powerful when you feel overwhelmed in work or in life.

Time is our most important resource. It is finite and non-renewable. Being intentional about how we spend it is, perhaps, one of the most important things we can learn to do if we want a happy, fulfilling life.

I hope that you can find a few minutes today or sometime soon to consider this question.

Because you really matter. And your time is precious.

The Blindspot in Employee Engagement
The Blindspot in Employee Engagement 150 150 Jason Lauritsen

A couple years ago, as my wife and I were returning home from an employee engagement conference where I had spoken, she said something to me that I didn’t fully understand at the time.

I remember it sounding something like this.

“The content here was good, but it was all focused on the happy, positive side of being human at work. Where’s the conversation about all of the hard, painful stuff that humans bring with them to work? Why wasn’t anyone talking about that?”

I agreed with her because she’s always right (joking, kind of). But, the gravity of her wisdom didn’t set in with me until much later.

As I started to pay closer attention to the conversations happening about making the workplace more human, I started to notice what she was talking about. Most of the focus is on how to create a more connected, inclusive, mindful, nourishing, affirming work experience for employees.

All great stuff. All important stuff. Do that.

The problem, however, is that humans carry with us a lot of baggage when we show up to work each day. Regardless of how much we try to convince ourselves of the separation between work and life, it’s a lie.

Life is everywhere and everything we experience is life. Work is just one place where life happens.

Remember, work for employees is a relationship. The test of a good relationship is how you show up when things aren’t so good. The friendships that sustain are with those who are not only around when it’s time to celebrate, they also show up when things are hard (through an illness or breakup, etc.). It’s how they show up in these moments that creates the commitment and loyalty that lasts.

The same is true of the work relationship. It’s great that you celebrate victories and birthdays and new childbirths, but how do you show up during hardship and tragedy? That’s where the rubber meets the road.

This came into stark focus for me last week when I attended and spoke at the WELCOA Summit, the premier event for workplace wellness professionals. It seems that while most of us focus on creating the shining, happy workplace where all humans are welcome, these wellness champions are the ones worrying about the not so shiny, not so happy reality of being human.

The opening keynote by Mettie Spiess is a shining example of what I now realize is the real work of creating a truly human workplace. She sharing her gut-wrenching personal story of losing both of her brothers to suicide and of her own experience of living with mental illness. Her life’s purpose is to create a world without suicide. And she believes that’s possible, but not unless we make some major changes.

The statistics on suicide and mental health in the U.S. are alarming, to put it lightly.

Here’s the truth. Even if you have created an amazing, engaging workplace–these stats make clear that there are people walking through the door at your workplace each day who are silently suffering, maybe fighting a solo battle for their survival.

The bad news is that they aren’t likely to find much support at work because we aren’t looking for them. It’s easy to ignore the realities of mental illness unless you or someone you love is living with it. And to make matters worse, there’s such a negative stigma around mental illness (i.e. “I didn’t know you were crazy”) that it rarely feels safe to ask for help–even when there’s some sort of structure in place to do so.

One of the core messages I took from Mettie is that we must dramatically raise awareness and kill the stigma around mental health. To do this, we have to be very intentional in our efforts around education and awareness of mental illness and suicide in the workplace.

But beyond that, she reinforced the importance and power of authentic human connection and compassion to break some of these cycles. The CDC identified social connectedness as a key factor in the prevention of suicide. Fostering the creation and formation of healthy relationships through work could literally save someone’s life.

But, so too can showing care and concern. Simply paying attention to others and asking “how are you doing?” can make all the difference. This seems so simple and obvious but is easy to neglect in our steadfast commitment to being “busy” all the time.

Suicide and mental health probably feel pretty uncomfortable to read about, let alone talk about. I know. For me too.

But I think this is the essence of the work to create truly “human” places of work. We must create a place where humans connect together to not only create work product together but also to find belonging and acknowledgment and support–real support for both the good stuff and the bad.

Even the people in your work lives who seem to have it all together on the outside are probably struggling with something beneath the surface. It might not be mental illness or suicide, but it might be something that feels just as debilitating to them.

Maybe they are experiencing burnout.

Or maybe they are suffering abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. (20 people per minute are abused by an intimate partner in the U.S. and some of them work for you.)

Many are suffering from serious financial stress. One study reveals that 1 in 4 Americans suffers from PTSD like symptoms caused by financial stress.

The list goes on. Life is hard and the challenges are real.

If we are going to create a truly “human” company, this is the hard work. It’s not enough to simply focus on appreciation and connection and encouragement. We must also make room and provide support for the other side of the human equation.

Creating an engaging work experience for employees is meaningful, important work. But, changing or saving someone’s life is a whole different level of impact that we can and should have on the people who we employ.

Not sure where to start? Let’s chat. I’ll help nudge you in the right direction.

Oh, and how are you?  If you are struggling and need to talk, please reach out.

For more great reading on this topic, check out my friend Rachel Druckenmiller’s summary post about the WELCOA Summit. It’s full of goodness.

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 or Suicide Prevention Lifeline